I lost it today.
Between the stress of moving, living in a temporarily empty house that magnifies the boys’ all-ready-too-loud-bickering voices, and handling the roller coaster of emotions that is going back to work after almost 3 years as a stay-at-home Mom, I just lost it. I cried in the kitchen, the family room, and the bathroom. I toured a child care center with puffy, blood-shot eyes and a you will never be good enough for my kid attitude. I picked fights with my husband and yelled at my kids. I was feeling bad, so I behaved as I felt.
Why am I sharing this with you, a stranger who just happened across this blog one day?
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I’m sharing because blogs often make the author’s life appear perfect, and my life is far from it. The photographs of my boys happily exploring nature and engaging in art activities are very real. We do those things together, almost daily. I am intentional about the time I spend with them, whether our day is planned or not. But like any other family, we also have those other moments—the moments in which grabbing my camera is the last thing I want to do!
Meltdowns happen to everyone—they are perfectly normal— and for me, they are usually due to a build-up of stress, exhaustion, and emotion. A meltdown is a train-wreck that fills you with guilt, but thankfully, children are forgiving creatures. After a long walk and a shower, I turned my day around. My oldest wrapped his arms around me and said, “I’m glad you aren’t sad anymore, Mommy. Let’s go play!” Playing and snuggling with the boys genuinely made me feel better, as did my time alone. (That, and finding an exceptional, affordable childcare center for my youngest. Thank goodness that nightmare is over!)
Recovering from a Mommy Meltdown
A meltdown can often make you feel hopeless and out of control. Thankfully, it is within our control to recover from one, and even prevent one, if practicing good self-care. Listed below are 10 suggestions for recovering from and preventing Mommy Meltdowns.
1. Calm Down
Take long, deep belly breaths. Yell really loud inside of your car. Go for a walk. Diffuse Stress Away™ essential oil and close your eyes. Spend some time at a coffee shop drinking mochas and reading fan magazines. Whatever you need to do, just do it. When your body is calm, your amygdala will transition out of fight or flight mode and allow you to reflect, plan, and make good decisions.
2. Burn Excess Energy
When I’m upset, a long quiet walk always helps. A good friend of mine hits the gym for cardio. A teacher I work with practices yoga. Exercise makes us feel balanced physically, emotionally, and chemically.
3. Go to Bed Early and Consider Nutrition
Many people are more emotional when their bodies are tired. If rotten moods have been getting the better of you more often than not, perhaps it’s time to get into bed earlier. While your drifting off to sleep, think about your nutrition. You may be well-fed, but is your body well-nourished? Are you drinking enough water and eating plenty of vegetables and fruits? If not, commit to making a change. When I feel emotionally or physically exhausted, I find that going screen-free for a weekend helps me recharge!
4. Call a Friend
Just hearing the voices of my close friends, Sarah and Elizabeth, makes me feel better. Girlfriends empathize with and understand you in a way no one else can.
5. Apologize
Wrap your kiddos in your arms. Cover them with kisses. Tell them you are sorry and tell them why. You apologize because it is the right thing to do, because they deserve one, and because you would want them to do the same. Make the aftermath of your meltdown a teachable moment on how they should handle their own strong feelings.
6. Apologize Again
To your partner. Bribe him with his favorite root-beer.
7. Make a Plan
Think and problem-solve about how you can prevent another meltdown. Next time you are feeling over-whelmed, what will you do? What can you do for yourself that may help prevent you from entering meltdown mode?
8. Be Grateful
Be grateful for the family that forgives and loves you unconditionally. Be grateful for the job you really want and need to survive. Heck, be grateful for the brewery that makes your husband’s favorite root-beer! An attitude of gratitude is contagious and will spread to those around you. Consider keeping a gratitude journal to record your blessings.
9. Move On
Cut yourself a little slack! Feelings come and go and it’s actually good for your kids to see you positively handle the roller coaster of emotions that is motherhood. Move on with life and let go of grudges—you don’t have to be perfect all the time!
10. If Necessary, Seek Additional Support
You need additional support if you wish to harm yourself or others. You deserve more help if you feel hopeless and sad more often than not, and just cry and cry and cry. You need to seek support if you self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, or another unhealthy behavior. Be brave enough to ask for help. You don’t have to do this parenting thing all on your own! Build a community of support and love around you!
And remember,
Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it.
~ L.M. Montgomery
Aw, I’m sorry it is all so overwhelming 🙁 I would be in that same boat, if I had to move to California, like we thought we were going to be doing. I am only about 1/2 an hour away. Let me know if there is anything that I can do to help out. I know how hard it is when the deep breathing turns into hyperventilating!!
Thank you for being so honest!
Meltdowns happen. Give yourself some credit for being a mum. It is hard work…especially for the conscientious ones like yourself! We just have to find a way to be resilient so that we can learn to be better after every difficulty that we face. Drop me an email anytime you need to vent. I’m not sure if i can be of any help but i’m sure you’ll feel better after getting it off your chest to a complete stranger who will not judge or belittle you 🙂
Thank you for being brave and honest enough to share your human-ness! You are a cherished friend (and I will join you in a mocha anytime!).
Perfect timing! I was just having a meltdown of my own. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Melissa. This was very timely for me. I am that stranger you address in your post and I agree with you 100%. Blogs tend to isolate the happy, ideal moments and make them look like the rule with your own life as the exception. I’ve identified with the meltdowns, as well as the stress over going back to work. Thank you again!
– Sunday Parenting Party
I’m so glad you identified with the post. Such conflicting, strong feelings parenting brings at times!
Thanks for sharing this post on the Sunday Parenting Party. I started sharing my less perfect parenting moments for exactly the reason you sighted, sometimes bloggers lives just look too perfect, and its not what us struggling parents want to see – except we are all struggling parents as well.
Some great tips too for dealing with the aftermath – although i’m not sure my hubby would be one over with a rootbeer 😉
I’m pinning your post to the Sunday Parenting Party pinterest board and featuring it this weekend.
Thanks for being so real and honest. I know exactly how you feel when you totally lose it, we’ve all been there. This parenting gig is hard! Thank you so much for opening up and sharing. I’m featuring this on my post this weekend. Thank you so much for linking up to The Sunday Parenting Party!
I think most (if not all) Mamas have had meltdown moments. After the deep breathing, I direct myself towards gratitude. Having four children the same age is pretty overwhelming sometimes, but we are extremely grateful to have them.
Great post, Melissa! I can definitely relate…If my husband is around I usually tell him that I need to take a time out and go for a walk while he watches the kids for a while. That way I get to clear my head and come back with new energy and a better mood. Sharing this on FB.
I did not think there were any moms who were meltdown-free! Do they exist? 😉 It just seems normal to get overwhelmed with raising kids. They are a joy and challenge and then throw in transitions like you are experiencing and it is bound to happen. We moved from VA to CA this Summer with four kids (one set of twin infants) and it was challenging, many meltdown moments for all of us! I too share these moments often on my blog, because it is more the norm than the perfect photos are for most moms. All the best to you as you begin this new chapter of your life!
I feel the pain. Too often this past year I have been overwhelmed. I know it isn’t over yet as number 4 will show up and change our routine! It is great to be honest about the hard times. Give yourself a break; this too shall pass!
Had one of those days yesterday! Thank you for sharing, because sometimes mommy’s just need to know that it’s normal to “lose” it sometimes, LOL! And that we are not alone!
I just saw this post and am so thankful that others go through the meltdowns. My youngest son is autistic and can really let fly and staying calm is the only thing that works but on the inside I am losing it. Thank you for your post it helps to have some strategies
Yep. Definitely how I feel. Like parenting in the bermuda triangle. http://parcelandfrock.blogspot.com/2015/01/parenting-bermuda-triangle.html
I have deff been having a lot of mommy meltdowns lately =(..im currently living with my husband and my 3 year old son at my in-laws while being just about 8 months pregnant, and in the process of buying our first home!!! im struggling with finding things to do with my son since its too cold out =/ advice please!!
Hi Caite,
I feel ya because I’ve been there (minus the pregnancy part). Congrats on your first home! As for ideas with the kiddo, this site and my pinterest page is loaded with them (https://www.pinterest.com/fireflymudpie/). A lifesaver for me this winter has been a punchcard at the local indoor playground. I felt like it had paid for itself after just 1 hour – LOL! Goodluck!
You have no idea how much this helped me. I’m with my child all day everyday and sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming. I was ready to accept that no one would understand, they think its easy “you should feel blessed to be able to stay home, stop complaining” . I was incredibly greatful, I love my son more than anything.. But then somewhere between “I need a minute” to “I need to scream” I found this article. Through Pinterest. And now I don’t feel so alone. So thank you for this. Really.
Thanks for your message, Amanda! It is absolutely possible to feel both grateful and stuck at the same time! Sending virtual hugs your way! 🙂
Thank you! I experienced a mommy meltdown today (definitely not my first) and your post really helped me. I had an amazing chat with my son tonight. I gave him the apology he deserved and I think it brought us even closer together. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one and there are lots of “real moms” out there facing some of the ae.struggles I am.
Hi Jenny! I’m so glad you found comfort in my post and in apologizing to your son. Hugs to you, and thank you for reaching out. Your note brightened by day!
Thank you for your time spent writing this! Thank you also for your extreme honesty! I had a mommy meltdown this morning, so I am sympathetic to your feelings. I have a good life, I am extremely Blessed and I try to keep that in perspective however some days/times just get the better of you! I am what is now referred to as the Sandwich generation, taking care of parents and small children. I find that I worry too much about everyone else but myself. After reading your article/blog I have decided to schedule time to myself for my own self-care. For my own sanity! and I mean SCHEDULE it!! No if, and’s or But’s….I will be by myself for that allotted amount of time… to reflect, to relax and to recharge! Thank you for inspiring me! you have helped more than you know!
MOMMY ME-TIME!!!